Today is exactly one year ago that I used drugs for the last time. The drugs was a symptom, caused by feeling so much guilt and shame, not loving myself and looking for “love” and “acceptance” in all the wrong places with the wrong people.
I felt rejected by the world and was covering up this pain with drugs that just grew stronger and stronger. Until I nearly died from depression after a long weekend on drugs and had to chose between dying and living.
It was a tough few years to go through…
What helped?
1. Clearing. Most people told me to forget my past and move on. They would say things like: just quit, it’s bad for you! Like it’s that easy… That doesn’t work and actually fuels the addiction. If someone tells you that run away. You need to make amends, heal and clear. I had many different coaches, therapists and support groups which allowed me to get better, value myself step by step and to become grateful for my past. Anything in your past that you cannot be grateful for becomes your baggage and is another reason to use drugs (or alcohol or sugar or whatever your addiction is!).
2. Love yourself and be kind. Self-love is so underestimated. Most people who regularly use drugs or who are addicted to other stuff don’t really love themselves. In 5 years of drug use with hundreds of guys I have never seen someone high being able to love himself. As a result they don’t love others too. As Rupaul said: “How the hell you gonna love someone else if you don’t love yourself?”
3. Complete abstinence as Russell Brand teaches I find works best.
This is to let you know that you can turn your life around with a decision.
This is the reason why I’m running the marathon to raise funds for @thtorguk . Being HIV positive brings so much stigma with it and they do an amazing job to help people and also educate others. Together we can make a difference. Here is the link to the fundraising page: